"How The Roots Become One With The Rocks And The Rocks Become Part Of The Tree"

He whose spirit does not roam the open spaces

He who does not demand the light of truth

And goodness with all his heart

Does not suffer inner ruins

But he also does not have individual buildings.

He is shaded by the natural ones

Like a rabbit who finds shelter in the rocks.

But the man,

Whose soul is in him,

His soul will not be sheltered

But by the buildings he builds in his own spiritual effort.

This post will have two parts, and you can decide which part interests you. The first part is the part I never really like when writing blogposts, but for some reason other people like: The plain, factual information. 

The second part will be about me, a human being inside the trail life. A human who likes to listen to her inner voices and her heart, to her craziness, neuroses and excitement. A human who writes without boundaries, because there should be none when searching ourselves. A human who loves openness and hates repression.

The dates written below are the actual dates the entries were written in my journal.

The photos were taken by me (except for the second to last one- the photo of the quote).

PART I

We started hiking on September 19th at Timberline Lodge, which is a lodge (built in the 1930's) at the base of Mt. Hood in northern Oregon. We hiked for 32 days along the Pacific Crest Trail and stopped hiking on October 21st at Fish Lake resort in southern Oregon. Our initial plan was to hike 15-18 miles a day, and I was planning on getting to Etna, California. But we realized already on the first day that we would only be able to hike an average of 10 or 11 miles a day. That's because a) we weren't running, and didn't want to; we weren't on a race. b) the hours of daylight (and sufficient heat in accordance to daylight) were limited to around 8 hours every day. We started hiking at 9, when it was warm enough to move, and stopped to set camp at 5, so that we'd be able to put up our tents and eat before the sun slid away behind the trees, leaving us very cold already at 7 or 7:30 pm. 8 was our usual bedtime. The nights were freezing, sometimes below 20 degrees (Fahrenheit, That's -6 degrees Celsius). The days varied from a high of 70 to a low of 45 or 50. The weather was generally pleasant during the day, which made this season overall a good time to hike (compared to the high season of PCT hiking, which is summer. They must have nice nights, but boiling days). There was one day when the weather was especially horrendous. It was the absolute worst day weather-wise, but was also one of the absolute most interesting days on the hike: A snow blizzard when we were at an altitude of around 6,500 or 7,000 feet, right after Jefferson Park. We walked on the ridge of a mountain with heavy winds blowing, heavy and wet fog, and snow. We set camp at the first possible opportunity so as not to keep hiking in these conditions, but even being in our tents was not a promise for heat or safety. The temperature and the wind were brutal. Bob made sure I was aware that this weather in fact was dangerous, and that if I do feel that my core is getting cold, I should not hesitate to take my sleeping bag and come into his tent, where the heat of two bodies will be greater than one alone. Luckily we made it through the night, in our own tents, and kept going the next day.

Sometimes when we stood on a montaintop and looked out at the terrain below, the air was so smuggy that we could just smile and say, "well, the view is beautiful, if only we could SEE it!" And at Crater Lake Bob added to that, "we'll have to Google it." Well, that's because Crater Lake is one of the most beautiful landmarks we had along the way, and almost missed the whole sight because of the fog. Sometimes the fog was eerily beautiful inside the forests. A sight that summer-hikers definitely don't get to see.

We passed through a few types of landscapes. The regular pine forest, burnt forest, and lava fields.

Each of those was beautiful and special in its own way for the first few days of our encounter with it, but then grew kind of repetitive and mundane after a while. Oregon doesn't change much. Bob and I didn't get sick of each other. I enjoyed listening to his stories, he enjoyed my company. I enjoyed telling him about Israel and about my moral ethics, and he enjoyed agreeing and sharing his own thoughts on morality. We talked a lot about religion, about Jesus, about belief systems and about culture. We laughed about my bad eyesight (my eyesight has worsened noticeably in the past 2 months), and enjoyed yummy meals in different restaurants along the way. He has two daughters just a few years older than me and told me about them, about his wife  and about his mother, I told him about my own family, and we became relatives, trail family, close acquaintances. Bob is generous, knowledgeable, intelligent, kind and poised. I watched how he spoke to people we met along the trail, the owners of the different resorts and waitresses in the restaurants, with a solid tune, a dignified voice and a flowing sensical speech, and gained from that the important inspiration of approaching people, which is something I have always been bad at. Every four or five days we stopped at a resort along the way and slept in their cabins for a night or two before returning to the trail. This gave us the opportunity to shower, wash our clothes and eat better-tasting food. The opportunity was possible thanks to Bob's wealth and generosity in paying for all of my accommodations along the trail. 

By the time we were nearing our last days of hiking, I was eager to finish it, to get to our end point. I felt like Salamanca in Walk Two Moons, when she drives with her grandparents and the trees say, "hurry hurry" and "rush, rush". When we got to Fish Lake, we didn't have the sensation of a grand ending. Nothing really happened. We got there, the place was closed for the season. They let us into one of the cabins to use the shower. Then we got a cab into Medford, where we each had a room in the Holiday Inn. That evening we went out for dinner, Bob let me choose. Not many vegan options in Medford, but I found a pizza place that has an "artificial" cheese. So we went there. And there we had a good closing dinner for the trail. We spoke about what we learned from it, what we enjoyed and less enjoyed, what we already miss, and how strange it is that it's already over.

Part II
This may be a long post, like part of a novel, where all the parts will eventually come together to be one solid me-ness. Or it could be a short post, with highlights that may not interact in a solid and fluid way, but will be more concise and easier to read. I'm not sure how to write it out, so let's just see how this unfolds...
I kept a journal on the trail. At first I scribbled down dry facts and short memories. My hands were not yet accustomed to the cold at night and it was hard to write.
When we left Big Lake Youth Camp, about 11 or 12 days into the trail, I was overwhelmed by a wave of aching thoughts, stemmed by a certain one dilemma, which I will call "The Dilemma", and somehow by now my hand was fluent with the pen twined inside my fingers, and was able to eagerly scribble away the words that flowed out of me.

___

First day on the trail.

Hard but not too hard.

**

I'm lonely, but not longing for any one person. 

Just a universal loneliness, with no strings attached to anyone.

**

It's easy to miss. 

To eagerly want to go back to a situation of safety, warmth and abundance.

It's so easy to be reminiscent of the intimacy, of the wonderful closeness

between me and a loved one.

It's automatic; my unlimited, unguided and desperate desire to be in warm familiar arms...

**

Hunters. Many of them around here. With their camouflage uniforms and long rifles, they seem to me the same kind of [violent] people who would join the US army, fly to a foreign country and kill people from a jet, like many American soldiers do but no one talks about. 

**

After Bob fed the birds nachos they kept coming back and some landed on the table next to us, where a woman was sitting across from her friend. After shooing them away again and again the woman finally slammed her hand on the table and cried out, "what is WRONG with these birds?" I was laughing inside. Bob smirked too. He said, "It's a republican; it'll take whatever you got!"
**
The old lady whose trail name is "Mother Goose". The woman had wrinkles on her face and two white braids. She looked to me like a matriarchal Indian chief.
**
I thought I was afraid of the dark. Guess not.

___

[Nov. 18: Here there was a long section I removed for now, because it makes me feel a little nauseous and uncertain. Maybe I will write a revised version sometime)

__

Yesterday's lava fields * Remembering the word kisufim

Wanting to bake vegan desserts because the black specs of earth looked like cookie crumbs
* Thinking about food

**

Trying to BE HERE * Being forced by today's brutal weather to BE HERE

**

Thinking about Bob's story of his daughter's elementary school pen pal in Ukraine, and later asking the leaves and the stems and the plants to try to pen pal the different parts of my body and attach me to them spiritually, so I would be part of Them

**

Walking with my hood over my head and I could only see a square meter in front of my each step

I liked that
**

Trying to remember who to send snail mail letters to;

Every night remembering more dear people to write to

**

מכל מאהבי השכלתי

__

October 17th:
Wow, almost a month on the trail! We're in the rain, but in our tents. I'm cooking Outdoor Herbivore's Chickpea Sesame Penne. We're camping somewhere in the Mazama area, a little south of the Crater Lake rim. Today was an eventful day. It started with Chuck and Andrea driving us out from Diamond Lake to the Crater Lake rim. We walked the remaining 3(ish) miles to the rim village, ate lunch, waited to hear that our packages were at the ranger station a few more miles south, walked the 3 miles down there, got our packages, sent most if their content back. We had so much food and only a few days left on the trail, so we didn't need all that extra food (=weight on our backs). Then hitch hiked down to where Annie Springs met the road, hiked 0.5 miles (uphill) ("we had to have an uphill right out of the freakin car?" [Bob]), then about 1.5 miles to reconnect to the PCT trail.
I love being in my tent and I love writing. It makes me feel connected and less alone.

October 18th:
Imma's birthday!
We have 3.5 days left to this adventure! On Thursday afternoon we should get to Fish Lake  It's 35 miles from here. Really not that far. Can't wait!

October 21st:
We ended up getting to Fish Lake a day early.
We're here today!
We're done!

"One of our problems is that very few of us have developed any distinctive personal life. Everything about us seems secondhand... In many cases we have to rely on secondhand information in order to function... But when it comes to questions of meaning, purpose, and death, secondhand information will not do. I cannot survive on a secondhand faith in a secondhand God. There has to be a personal word, a unique confrontation, if I am to come alive."

[From a book called Journey Into Christ. I read the quote in the book The Road Less Traveled.]

This last photo was taken from inside the bus down to Sacramento from Medford, Oregon.
The ride was very pleasant and scenic. I enjoyed it.

I don't remember if I wrote anywhere that the camera I got from B&H in NYC was a used Fuji XQ1. it's excellent, in my opinion. I'm really happy with it.

I'm trying to write a blogpost about the trail
But I'm not able to
It's so long
It's too elaborate
I'm getting nauseous from being on the computer
I feel that maybe the post will need more time in order to be ready
Maybe never
Maybe soon
In the meantime, here's a beautiful song to listen to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEDp45cIWGk

...And I forgot to write about how I didn't finish reading Wild, but placed it in the box I sent off to my Brother, because I don't want extra weight, and because even tjough it's about the trail, I had just read a gpod paragraph abd decide that would be good enough for now. I had just read the part about the man in the car with the woman Sheryl Strayed got a ride with, and the man told about an experimwnt in France decdes ago, where some scientists tdied to get monkeys to draw, to look at a painting and copy. Abd finally one of them drew, but not the masterpiece he was supposed to, but rather the bars of his own cage.

Two special people in my life called me Mirmir

Portland IV

[Revised post]

Portland has been wonderful. Well, I should say Dominica has been wonderful, because she's the one who brought me to all these events, to meet all these people, to eat vegan food, to feel the vibe here and to get the feeling that Portland is my kind of place. If only it were a tad closer to Israel...

This morning we were photographed for a magazine called "Driftwood". It's a vegan travel magazine created here in Portland, and the founder and editor of it met us this morning to photograph us for either the facebook page or the magazine, for the section with photos and info on vegans from around the world.

I got to go to an extravagant drag show, a lovely dance performance, a vegan bar, vegan bakery, farmer's market, a really wonderful store called "New Renaissance". I got to meet Dominica's three bunnies, her ecovillage and her friends. I had the privilege of meeting Shalom, who is warm-hearted and attentive, who reminds me of Tehilla S., and who's into new age spirituality and Jewish Renewal. The three of us sat on the grass to watch the swifts, and later in the evening Dominica performed a meditative tea ceremony for the three of us. In my short time here in Portland I got to be present, to be truly serene and truly happy. I got to be inspired to the notion that once I'm back home I should be more active and more involved, and that I should uncover and release more of my spiritual tendencies and passions. I wanted to buy all the books in "New Renaissance" on new age religions and spirituality, on meditation and on how to appreciate life. I knew I couldn't afford any of them, and I want to believe that I will be able to find peace of mind on the trail even without the guidance of books; that somewhere inside of me is the resourcefulness and the ambition to be able to find it all by myself out there in the wilderness, and then also once I get back home.

I'm leaving for the trail in 2.5 days.

Vegan bar- Sweet Hereafter

 Pizza (self-explanatory)

 Drag show

 Brunch at "Harvest" - French toast with coconut cream and strawberry sauce

Rosh Hashana

On Rosh Hashana evening I went to the Chabad house here in southeast Portland for the services and the meal. The next evening my third cousin Ari made a nice meal for us, and two of his housemates joined us and got to hear him and I doing some traditional Jewish rituals. (This photo is from erev Rosh Hashana, right before I left for the Chabad house.)

"Ten Tiny Dances"

Herbivore. They sell online too. So I'll remember this place.

"New Renaissance". A store which epitomizes hippiness and beauty. My heart fluttered at the sight of all the beautiful things, none of which I could afford. I did end up getting that "Peace" bumper sticker. I don't know why, I just felt like I had to have something from this store. And that's how I found out that "mir" means Peace in Russian.

Mir means Peace (in Russian) 
Mir also means drop of water (in Hebrew) - so Miriam is a drop of water in the sea
(the second part of my name - Yam - means sea)

Portland III / In memory and in honor, with sorrow and with hope

This post is dedicated to Martz Chick and to all the animal liberation movements.

Only once or twice did I meet Martzik (Itzik Marziano) but I am very sad to hear that he is gone in the unknown abyss of death.

He was a devoted animal liberation activist. He put his heart and soul into saving the less fortunate species of beings.

"In every fight for Justice, there is a battle against the loss of sanity".

People are gathering now at his funeral. Among them are many people from the animal rights community.

This is a sad time for everyone. The world has lost a precious person.

We must not forget that at all times, every moment of every day, hundreds of thousands of animals are being hurt and killed. And we should not forget that or ignore that, nor cease to fight against it, until every cage is empty!

Cows, chickens, pigs, fish, animals in zoos, animals in circuses, dogs and cats in shelters, animals used for their fur, animals used for leather, animals in test labs whose eyes are burnt, whose cells are cancered and whose lives are a painful misery.

May we all and they all be free.

Portland II

Effective Altruism

From Wikipedia: "Effective altruism is a philosophy and social movement that applies evidence and reason to determine the most effective ways to improve the world. Effective altruists aim to consider all causes and actions, and then act in the way that brings about the greatest positive impact.^[1] It is this broad evidence-based approach that distinguishes effective altruism from traditional altruism or charity. While a substantial proportion of effective altruists have focused on the nonprofit sector, the philosophy of effective altruism applies much more broadly, e.g., to prioritizing the scientific projects, companies, and policy initiatives which can be estimated to save and improve the most lives.^[2] Notable people associated with the movement include Peter Singer,^[3] Dustin Moskovitz^[4] and Toby Ord.^[5]"

I got to hear Peter Singer a few nights ago in a town not far from Portland. Peter Singer, aside from being a founder and developer of the idea of Effective Altruism, is also an animals rights activist (and vegan). He is in fact one of the main founders of the whole animal rights movement of today with his book "Animal Liberation", which he wrote in 1975.

This is the website Doing Good Better:

http://www.effectivealtruism.org/

A little disclaimer: Peter Singer wrote a whole book on Effective Altruism and I have not yet read it, so this post is the post of a "poor" person (poor with knowledge). I'm writing from the knowledge I acquired in an hour-and-a-half long session (lecture and then Q&A) with Peter Singer the other night.

It was so inspiring that I felt the need to write about it and spread the idea even before I get my hands on the book.

Some of the main points Peter Singer spoke about (some of these ideas are by his fellow Effective Altruists, who also wrote books or have websites): We can easily save lives of humans and animals, without much effort or much money. In a lifetime we spend around 80,000 hours in our careers, but much less time deciding what career to choose. If we chose a career that effectively helpful to the world, we would actually be spending 80,000 hours of our lifetime doing good, worthwhile work for the world. If we donated about a tenth of our income to charities, such as organizations helping prevent blindness in developing countries, we could easily save thousands of children from blindness (Matt Wage, for instance, went into a finance career to make as much money as possible, and only one year after graduation, had already donated $100,000 to effective charities). And of course, a course of life that can tremendously benefit people, animals and the world itself, and Peter Singer does not forget to mention this, is going vegan and promoting veganism. (If you want an extended understanding of how veganism benefits everyone, you can search online, or ask any knowledgeable vegan.) 

I didn't go to the book signing line to talk to Peter Singer, although I probably should have. I should have told him that I'm from Israel and that the animal rights movement is Israel has really been taking off in the past few years, that Effective Altruism is an idea I'm sure many Israelis would be inspired from and that I think he should come to Israel to talk to us Israelis. I'm not in a high enough position in the Israeli animal rights world to be able to bring him to Israel myself, and I'm not associated with any one particular animal rights organization in order to propose the idea of trying to bring him, but I will definitely do something about this. Because this is wonderful and inspiring. It's an easy idea to spread, and if people realized how easily they could help the world, the world would be helped a whole lot more. 

"If we admit that animal suffering is comparable to human suffering, then we shouldn't disregard that just because they are animals and we are humans."

**

I'm really liking Portland. Everything and everyone is Clean. That's the word that came to mind the other day when we walked through Portland's weekly Farmer's Market. Lush green trees framed the scene of clean sidewalks, clean people with clean clothes, walking in the park between vendors of fruits and vegetables and local farm products, baked goods, food and flowers. The people are young, hip and colorful. Kind of like many Israelis. Everyone seems nice, and not in a phony way. 

My couch-surfing host is lovely. A few nights ago we went to a vegan bar, Sweet Hereafter, where I drank something really good but I forgot what it was called, and met some nice people.
We went to a drag show and a dance performance, a vegan brunch restaurant and a vegan pizza place. I'm probably forgetting some more things, but the photos I'll post in the next blog post will have tidbits from everything.

I still have to get a few last-minute hiking stuff, and then in a few days I'm setting off on the Pacific Crest Trail with Bob and Cameron.

**

My aloneness is sinking in, but not in a bad way.

Portland I

Even though there was that middle-of-the-night self-diagnosis of a developing mental illness a few nights ago, and then a re-evaluation of that in the days to follow,
And even though I realized there was an array of lonesome and anxious emotions that filled my mind in New York
And even though I was insane and mad, and then calm again but still stressed, and even though there was more to write about my mental roller coaster,
And even though I thought the song was about me, and I listened to it as soon as I boarded the plane to Portland to hear the words unfold in my ears and heart, but later realized it didn't have to do with me, but the weather... And even though in New York there was sadness and frustration--

I am in Portland now, and here interesting and lovely things are happening, so in order to keep up with the pace of the unfolding events, and in order to not turn this blog into a long, tiring novel, I will leave the turmoil behind and write about Portland.

I landed in Portland two nights ago and my sweet third cousin (whose existence I discovered only a few weeks ago) picked me up from the airport and brought me to his big home of 7 housemates. He had made a bed for me and even gave me a towel for a shower (this is all better than what I do for my guests; but I do have the intention of being a wonderful host in the future, especially after being inspired by people like my cousin, and I will have a guest room with a comfortable bed that will always be made), and told me to feel at home.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face, content and much less stressed out than in New York.
I realize that I had to get out of New York to be able to breathe again.
In the morning I saw the branches and leaves and roses outside the window. The roof of the next house over, a bird on the roof. Without my glasses it was a flittering blur, but I heard it chirp.
I got up and took a shower, kind of hoping I wouldn't encounter the other housamates (because I'm not so good at sudden encounters), but remembering that my cousin earnestly said- Feel at home, so I did. After the shower, I took out a pack of oatmeal from my bag, took out the camping utensils and made myself a bowl of oatmeal in the Boy Scouts bowl my father had given me before I left. After the oatmeal, I left the house to walk to Steinman's Bagels and Coffee. My cousin said it's a cute place run by a really nice Jew that he likes.
I walked to the bagel place with a newfound glory. This was a new place for me, I've never been in Oregon before. The sidewalk was lined with rosebushes and other colorful flowers. The sun was bright and the weather was perfect.
I ordered coffee and a bagel, and was given a cup. The man handed me soy milk and indicated that I go make my cup of coffee over there, buffet style, at a long table against the wall with a big urn and bowls with various things inside them. I thought that was pretty cool, that you make your own coffee, but didn't really know what to do. I stood there for a moment looking around, wondering if I need to spoon out the coffee from somewhere, when a middle-aged, small, Jewish-looking Mr. Steinman came over and said "you look concerned." "Yeah, well, I'm from out of town and don't really know how it works."
He said "I'm from another planet." I said, "me too. I'm from Israel."

**

I sat with my coffee and bagel and just smiled out the window for a while, watching the calm road where cars only occasionally passed. I took out my drawing pad and started drawing the people sitting around. The guy I was drawing got up to leave but first passed by to ask if he could see. "I only just started, and then you got up." "Well, I like it." He said, and left.

I wondered if he was Israeli.
Some people here look Israeli to me, but I guess that's just because Portland has a hip, laid-back community, too.

**

After that I took a bus to the woman I'm couchsurfing with. I specifically searched for someone vegan to stay with, but didn't know I'd be coming to a really special eco-village in the middle of Portland. They are a small eco-community with a garden in which they grow fruits and vegetables, and with all sorts of other wonderful things.

The apartment is small and sweet, and what catches my eye the most are the Zen and Buddhism books and atmosphere. I still need to go to India someday, but maybe my understanding of Buddhism and my connection to it can start here.

"God Wants Nothing" engraved in a stone.

(In Israel, the outlook of God is usually one of two: Either the classical male God who commands humans what to do and not to do, or no God at all. I haven't yet come upon many new-age views of a broader God, in the sense of All and Everything, with No Figure, Who is All The Energies, and Wants Nothing, which is an outlook I am drawn to, but somehow I never manage to really explain it or develop the idea to its full extent.)

Last night we went to a lecture by Peter Singer, world-renowned philosopher, writer and animal rights activist.
I will write about that in my next post.